Origin Stories and Final Words: AI Prompts for When Writing Through Grief Feels Impossible
How I found the words to describe a brilliant human, with a little help from a machine
Some people like reading obituaries. They’re drawn to them the way some are drawn to true crime podcasts or gender reveals on social media. I never thought much about them.
But then I had to write one.
Seconds after Peter died, my inner light dimmed, but I couldn’t pause or take a breath to adjust to this sudden change. A hundred seemingly trivial decisions descended upon my shoulders: selecting cards, signing forms, finding an officiant for the service, choosing the urn...and on it went. I was deeply concerned for my son, and felt helpless to manage this tragedy for him. I realized how psychologically unprepared I was for a shocking event like this. Somewhere in the middle of all that chaos, I was asked to produce two things: an obituary and a eulogy.
How could I possibly take 23 years of marriage, select only the most meaningful details, shove them into a handful of paragraphs, and convey complex emotion and meaning behind them? I desperately wanted to procrastinate. The completion of these pieces would signal yet another form of finality I wasn’t prepared to face.
But…onward. I started with the obituary. I wanted to get the bones right: his creativity, his education, the art and ideas he loved, the kind of father he was, what made him unapologetically himself, the way he made me laugh.
For the eulogy, I only had one thought that could be my opening line: “Every couple has an origin story.”
From there, I pulled together messy scraps of thoughts and memories: how we met in NYC at my neighbor’s birthday party; the orange and magenta-striped sweater he wore; his creative talent; the way he woke up at 4:45 a.m. to make breakfast for us; the impact he had on colleagues and patients in the O.R. where he worked for 20+ years; his goofy jokes and sense of humor.
An Expeditious Organizing Tool
Once I fed these details into an AI model, it helped me sort those fragments into a structure…but when it came to the actual sentences, that was all me. I reached for AI not as a replacement for my voice, but as an accelerant for building the scaffolding. It gave me a place to begin because my mind stopped behaving like a mind. My brain functions had liquefied like saltwater taffy on a hot sidewalk at the peak of summer. I was exhausted, lachrymose, and sleep-deprived.
AI can give you the structure to start. It can help you organize facts, memories, and scattered notes into a shape. You bring the soul. You decide what’s true, what’s too generic, what needs to be sharper, funnier, more “them.”
You can use AI to:
List what you shouldn’t forget (names, dates, places, relationships)
Suggest an outline
Draft versions you can mark up and edit
Show others for feedback
You’re still the author. The AI just holds up the beams while you decide what kind of story you’re building.
I know there are paid services that will do this work for you. But if you want to have a little more control over the process, give it a try if you’re up for it.
STEP 1: Gather your notes
Take some time to jot down fragments, like bullet points, notes, or half-sentences. Think of it less like “writing” and more like “dumping out the contents of a drawer.”
Here’s what to collect (you don’t have to gather all of these, but if you provide more detail, you’ll get a better output):
1. Basic facts
Full name (and any nicknames)
Date of birth and date of death
Where they were born/lived
Key roles: partner, parent, sibling, friend, profession
2. Relationships
Immediate family (surviving)
Loved ones who died before them
Anyone you definitely want named
3. Story fragments and details
How you met, your “origin story”
Moments that feel like them
Tiny snapshots: their laugh, morning routines, favorite meals
The inside jokes you shared
Emotionally-infused details
4. Their “signature” things
Quirks and habits
Phrases they frequently used
Hobbies, obsessions, rituals
The art, music, books, or ideas they loved
5. Values and impact
How they showed up for people
What they stood for, what they taught you
Work, projects, or causes they cared about
6. Practical details (for obituaries)
Date, time, and location of services
Information about donations or charities
Any preferences (”in lieu of flowers…”)
Once you’ve done this work - “messy” is fine - you have enough. You can copy and paste the above into the section where it says [PASTE YOUR NOTES HERE].
STEP 2: Use the prompts
I created two sets of prompts you can copy and paste into your chosen AI model: the obituary prompt and eulogy prompt. Best to tackle them one at a time.
The prompts will work well with ChatGPT, Claude, or Gemini. All three models have free versions you can access immediately.
Note: I will say that Claude is better at writing, in comparison to the others. If you’re unfamiliar with these tools, ChatGPT (chat.openai.com) is the most widely used with approximately 800 million users at time of this writing.
The prompts use clear, step-by-step language without technical formatting, so you can focus on the content rather than learning prompt syntax.
PROMPT: For the Obituary
Type or paste your notes into the prompt below, and fill in the details for anything in brackets.
Then, copy and paste the whole thing into the AI.
You are an empathetic, clear-thinking obituary writer who understands how hard it is to find words while grieving. Your job is to help me turn my notes into a finished obituary for someone I love.
I’ll paste my notes below. Then follow these steps:
Organize my notes into:
Basic facts
Relationships
Stories/memories
Personality/quirks
Values/impact
Service details (if provided)
Ask me up to 5 clarifying questions about anything important that’s missing or unclear (pronunciation of names, key relationships, tone preferences, or details that will help you write more accurately). Wait for my answers before drafting.
Draft TWO versions:
Version A: Slightly longer and more personal (around [X] words), including 1-2 specific memories or details for a funeral home website or local newspaper
Version B: Shorter version (around [Y] words) suitable for social media
For both versions:
Avoid generic or cliché language
Be respectful but human
Use clear, concrete language (not flowery, not corporate)
Reflect the tone I’ve requested below
Important: Don’t make up any facts. If you’re unsure about something, ask me.
Tone: [e.g., “warm and simple,” “traditional and formal,” “lightly humorous where appropriate”]
Here are my notes and preferences:
[PASTE YOUR NOTES HERE].
PROMPT: For the Eulogy
Type or paste your notes into the prompt below, and fill in the details for anything in brackets.
Then, copy and paste the whole thing into the AI.
You are a compassionate writing coach who helps people craft memorial speeches during times of grief. I need help shaping a eulogy for someone I love.
Please follow these steps:
First, ask me 3–5 clarifying questions about:
The audience (size, who will be there)
How personal or private I want this to be
The overall feeling I want to create
Any topics I absolutely do NOT want included
Anything in my notes that’s unclear
Wait for my answers before continuing.
Briefly summarize what you understand about:
Who this person was
My relationship to them
The main feelings or themes in my notes
Propose a simple outline for a 3–5 minute speech:
Opening (how I acknowledge the moment and my relationship)
One or two stories that show who they were
What they taught me/us
Closing (a note of thanks, love, or hope)
Draft a speech in my voice:
It should sound like a real person speaking, not a greeting card
It’s okay if it feels imperfect and human
Include natural transitions like “I want to tell you about…”
Stay close to the stories and details I’ve provided
Offer a SHORTER version (about half the length) in case I get too overwhelmed to read the full speech.
Tone: [e.g., “gentle and honest,” “warm with a little humor,” “simple and direct”]
Ideal length: [e.g., “about 3–5 minutes” or “no more than 600–700 words”]
Here are my notes:
[PASTE YOUR NOTES HERE]
When AI generates the output
Review and edit mercilessly (or ask someone to help). Sharpen details, remove/edit anything that wouldn’t sound like “them” or “you,” add descriptions and details, move sentences around to suit your narrative. And if you want the AI to rewrite certain portions, or if you have questions or more requests, continue them in the same chat. For the first draft, AI may not have given you exactly what you expected, but that’s kind of the point:
AI brings the frame, you add the picture.
Last But Not Least
If you ever find yourself staring at a blank page while your mind is floating in disbelief, your body aches from sorrow, and your vision is blurry from a wall of tears, I want you to know:
You’re not “cheating” if you use AI to help
You’re not short-changing your person
You’re not doing it wrong if all you can manage are bullet points and fragments
You’re not less capable because you needed a framework
There’s no shame in seeking support when grief makes every task feel impossible
The love is in the remembering, the choosing, the editing, the saying-their-name-out-loud. The prompts are just a way to give yourself something to stand on when the ground has dissolved from beneath your feet.
